How does one be a parent to children of a partner’s previous relationship? Well, you may think it’s easy; and you would be absolutely wrong. Some people think this is an easy job, but it is not. Especially, when the children are not yours, they are their fathers and mothers. Where does that leave the step parent? Well, it should put them in the position to become the children’s friend; however, it does not always work out that way. Sometimes the Biological parent is mean and hurtful to the children’s step parent, other biological parent and sometimes the children as well.
First of all do not fret, there are measures you can take to make life easier in your home, but you need to know some things as you embark on what is sure to be a very involved task. Such as, not allowing the hurtful things said deter you from your role as a step parent, if the children tell you mean things, ignore it. They are testing the waters; it just comes with the territory. Lastly, you should love the children for who they are not where they came from. They are sometimes told negative things to hurt you by the non-custodial parent, it is ok, do not fall in the trap.
These are a few simple things you might want to try before you become angry and bitter about how you are treated. You have to realize, this is not how the children feel, it is about how the other parent feels about the whole situation. With time the children will become familiar with you and your parenting so just go with the flow and take things one day at a time. Everything will be ok, if you love them, they will love you too!
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Good post. Luckily, I haven't been in the situation where I need to be a step-parent. But having come from divorced parents, I've had the BEST step-father and the WORST step-mother. I didn't like my step-father growing up, but as an adult I look back and saw that he was there for me, loved me, and provided for me. I think what I learned from my evil step-mother (if I were to ever be a step-mother) is that as a step-mother you need to allow the relationship with the father develop and not stand in he way. There is the husband/wife relationship and the father/child relationship and as a step-parent, there is no need place for jealousy. I hope that makes sense, didn't want to go into too much detail (I could write a book on the things that woman has done.) I now have a new step-mother and I wish she were the one I grew up with and not the evil one! My new step mother is one of my best friends, and I absolutely love her!
ReplyDeleteHmm, I am sure my stapchildren hate me! I am probably the evil one, but I know it is not because of things I have done. I am not going to lie, my husband and his ex-wife make it very hard for me to be a good step mother. Never doubt that I love them and I am greatful to have them and honestly if I had it all to do over again I would change things a little or a lot, I am not totally sure but I know I would change things. Thank you so much for your wonderful comments!
ReplyDeleteyep, just love the kiddos. and be consistent. parenting is tough regardless if you are a step or not. what the children need is the grown-ups in their lives to be grownups.good that you see to not take that other personal and place the children above your feelings. that is what good parents do.=]
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